Omg, my Spring Break is awesome so far! Saturday and Sunday, I spent watching movies with my Daddy, and just shootin' the shit and being funny and stuff.
Monday, during the day, I karaoke'd like mad, and then, that night, Neiko and I went to Police Cadets and had a blast jokin' around with Daniel.
Tuesday, during the day, I cleaned a little bit and listened to music. That night, from 1730 to 2300, I hung out with my friends Jennifer, Carrie, Garrett, Reyes, Mark, and Sean. Reyes and I watched the others jump on the trampoline, and then we all sat there for a while and played Truth or Dare. Then we all went back inside and ate cookies and goldfish and talked for a long time.
Today, I watched some movies and downloaded a lot of Latino music. I really like this guy Alex Ubago. He's got a great voice. Then, around 2015, I went over to Jennifer's again and hung out with her, Carrie, Mark, Sean, and Clay. Again, I watched them on the trampoline, then we did Truth or Dare for a while, after Clay left. Then we all just sort of laid around. I just got back. It was so much fun.

Mark says we all get 20s on our next uniform inspection. I'm stoked.

Take This Quiz - [link]

WARNING: Not art-related, at all.



He didn't talk to me today. Once again, I took a perfectly fine relationship and completely botched it. He and I were friends. We were comfortable with each other, goofing off and everything; it was great. But no, I had to go and start feeling things, like the little dumbass I am. I had to get attracted to him, and want more from him than friendship. Okay, that's fine, we could have dealt with that. I could have surpressed it, I could have eventually willed it away. But no. It was a good night, I was feeling confident with myself, so I made the dumbest mistake of my life. I asked him how he felt about me. "Just friends," is what he said. Just friends. Is there anything more condemning than those two words? At the time, it was all okay; I told him that was fine, gave him a hug, and we were cool. But, low-and-behold, come classtime today, he doesn't say two words to me. Everytime I tried to talk to him, he pretty much flatout ignored me. Just friends doesn't exist. You can't be friends after something like that. And I liked being his friend--I could have done that for the rest of my life--but no, I had to take a chance. I had to fool myself into thinking that I would ever be good enough for anybody. What a fucking retard move that was; I'm never going to be ideal. I'm never even going to be adequate. I'll never be good enough.

Its not so much that I can't live without him. I can. It was just one of those high school crushed that you have, and you get over. The thing that gets me is that it wasn't shocking that he didn't feel anything for me. Isn't it bad, when you're used to something like that? I am getting so tired of being everyone's "just friend." Goddess, I don't ask for much, but I do think I'd like to have at least ONE boyfriend before I die. I'd like to have at least my first date, and my first kiss, and my first breakup, even. How much is that to ask?

Apparently a lot.

I don't want consolement from anyone. I'm not interested in people telling me how stupid I am, or that I'm great, or that its his loss. Because its bullshit, and I've heard it all before. Hearing it again won't do me any good. I just needed to vent, and get it out. I don't care about solace.



PS. Neiko, if you're reading this, I think I'm going to skip the meeting tonight. You can go without me, if you want. I used up all my energy today trying to act okay around people, like it wasn't bothering me, but I'm zapped now. I don't even know if I'm going to go to school tomorra.

But if it weren't for you and Lena, I'd probably feel a whole lot worse. So thanks. Sorry about the meeting.

I need a date for prom!

Also, Newbery told a bunch of people today that I'm great at writing poems and that I'm one of the best writers he ever had in class. I wanted to cry!